Dear Diary: To The Man Who Made Me Love Myself Again
For weeks I've been thinking about what to say about you, but nothing I think or write feels like it gives you the justice you deserve. For lack of better terms, I was broken when we met. I was depressed. Scared. Hurt. There wasn't a day that had gone by that wasn't filled with me begging my ex for answers or chances to fix myself and us, and there weren't nights where I wasn't crying myself to sleep.
I lost a lot of myself in my last relationship. I was no longer the strong, courageous woman I was before him. I was weak, anxiety ridden, cautious. Everything I despised. But then you came into my life like a whirlwind and drastically changed everything I knew. You were playful, kind, brilliant. But most importantly understanding.
From our first date where the anxiety was written all over my face, to our first "argument" caused by my fear of disappointing you, you haven't left my side. You tolerate my endless questions, endless discussions about my fears and anxiety, dealing with my panic attacks and just dealing with me in general. You have a soul so wild, accepting and filled with an exhausting amount of love, I don't think you fully understand how amazing you are.
You've shown me that it's okay to trust people, that it's okay for me to spend time with my friends and family without fear of making you upset. That I'm free to talk to people and laugh with people. That I don't need to ask your permission to do things, because with you I have that basic freedom that I previously lacked. That my past doesn't define the person that I am right now, or in the future.
You understand that when I tell you I don't like myself, I mean it. And you find every opportunity to remind me how beautiful and special I am. It's amazing to think that I can finally look in the mirror and be happy with who I am internally and externally.
So thank you. Thank you for loving me at what I think are rough times. Thank you for working through my anxiety and my fears. Thank you for showing me that having a life is okay. Thank you for making me love myself again. Thank you for everything you constantly do for me to show me that my life means something to you. Thank you.